OMG, that is sooooo ku

True Story: Today I found a mold garden growing behind my dresser drawers (soooo sanitary, I know). So obviously I got the bleach out to rid of that bitch. For some reason or another (I blame being loopy from the mass amounts of Sudaffed) I decided it would be a good idea to NOT put the lid on the bleach and instead just place the open bottle on top of the dresser drawers. However, I should have thought twice before doing this because as of lately I have pretty much been living by the motto "anything that can go wrong, will go wrong"... Side Note: That's Murphy's Law for those of you who don't know. Anyways, back to everything going wrong... So as I am cleaning off this horrifically disgusting green goblin attached to my wall, a spider suddenly emerges out of an Ugg boot in my closet. Out of disgust I jumped, resulting in me kicking my dresser drawer over and spilling bleach all over the floor and somehow on my bed sheets, and even reaching my pillows. Apparently bleach can fly. Who knew?
The only real way to describe this situation is as being "So Ku"... I know everyone says "OMG, this would like seriously only happen to ME." But I think it is time to change that term to "OMG, this would like seriously only happen to Ku."
Lots of So Ku things have been happening lately though. I think it falls in line somewhere with all of the birds dropping dead from the sky, and all those fish dying and washing up on shore. I mean, it's apocalyptic. This weekend I got about 212 (rough guesstimate) bright red, fugly bug bites on my legs and back while I was in the lovely town of hickville Chico. So not only did I walk around Chico looking like I had backne (someone give this girl some damn proactiv) but I also managed to simultaneously have what may or may not have been a terminal illness (otherwise known as the common cold)... Of course, in this mentally and physically weakened state I also managed to run into my arch enemy at a long awaited gathering of friends in Chico, lets call this arch enemy Helga Poopface for the sake of keeping things anonymous. So, I spent my much anticipated night avoiding Helga Poopface, while battling backne bites, and blowing my nose every 1.5 seconds. BEST WEEKEND EVER.
Now, in all reality I know these are by far the dumbest, most miniscule problems ever. So that is why I have been having a hard time calling them "problems" at all... Which is why I so desperately needed to come up with a new term for this crap. I am officially renaming petty bullshit as "soku's" combining 'so' and 'ku' together for that whole edgy literary effect... So please, all seven of you blog followers, next time you fart in class and everyone hears it, or your dog decides your foot looks like a nice place to take a piss, or worst of all you come in contact with your very own Helga Poopface.. remember these aren't problems at all, they are simply sokus.

post script: Ku is my nickname.
post-post script: if you didn't know that already you just added another soku to my list of sokus.

"If it wasn't for dogs some people would never go for a walk"

Finding out that animals are better than humans was never something that I had to figure out through a meaningful experience or a miraculous life lesson that would lead to some great epiphany. Pretty much from day one I knew that animals were superior to humans by about 10 billion to 1. I have always looked up to animals as role models. They are undoubtedly creatures to learn from. When I say this aloud in conversation I tend to get these condescending, "Brooke, you're retarded" type of looks. But regardless of what everyone else thinks, I believe that the animal kingdom is leaps and strides far more exceptional than we are in so many ways.
Take for example, our beloved animal friend, the dog. Dogs are born, bonded to their mothers, and then hideously ripped away from their mother, father, brothers, and sisters in order to entertain the life of perhaps some begging, pleading, dog-needing five year old girl. Now, don't get me wrong, I have been that five year old girl since I was five and probably forever thereafter. I am just saying, if I was the dog I wouldn't be able to take it so lightly. It's nuts, the dog cries for a day or so and then it is as if he just remembers life goes on. The dog will never even post a single facebook status saying "Some brat just paid these people $500.00 and now I have to leave my fellow pups, waaahhh sad face" or anything of the sort, it's truly admirable. I don't know any human who can do that. However, this isn't the only awesome thing that animals do. I have always wanted a pet with a missing limb because I am so envious of their attitude. Whether it is a cat, a dog, a bird, or a damn dragon they all seem to share the same mentality. They don't focus on the missing arm or leg and let it ruin them like so many people do, they simply learn how to live without it, and carry on.
I know that many people disagree with me in the sense that they believe animals behave in this fashion because they don't have the same mental capacity as humans. But maybe that is what makes them so special to me. It's the living part that is important, and that is what animals do, they live life to the absolute fullest regardless of any bad circumstance; something that cannot be said about the majority of humans.
Basically, if it wasn't for the NO ANIMAL clause in my lease you would probably be seeing me on Animal Planet's "Confessions: Animal Hoarding". . .

2,010

Whoa, whoa, whoa! The year of the Tiger is almost over. Groooowwwwwlllll.

Here's some stuff I learned this year (yes, this is in order of relevancy to my life):

1. Eminem doesn't suck anymore.

2. The only reason I have gotten as far as I have in my educational endeavors is because I have awesome social skills.

3. I am terrible at selling clothes. (Sorry dad, but my poor retail experience could mean I wouldn't make a very good realtor. Please let the Super Sales Center down easily for me.) 

4. Realtor is not spelled 'realator'.

5. I love bears and people who have abnormal and creepy obsessions with them. Thank you Grizzly Man.

6. Somewhere deep down inside I wish I could be in a glee club.

7. Taylor Swift is the new Alanis Morissette. Except her angry girl songs are about Joe Jonas rather than Joey Gladstone. 

8. Oprah cries when you ask her if she is a lesbian.

9. Miley Cyrus wasn't joking when she said she likes to party (preferably with a bong in tow) in the USA.

10. Bart and I are Snookie and J Woww. . . just a little bit less tan.

But in all seriousness, this year has been a year to remember. I moved to San Francisco, learned how to do my own laundry (thanks bart), and discovered how delicious sushi is. In addition to this, I have the weirdest friends, family, and boyfriend in the world, and due to my fascination with all things weird... I really couldn't ask for anything better.

Never trust a man with two first names

It's finals week and while everyone is complaining about getting sick (which seems to be a popular trend right before taking these ridiculous tests) all I can think about is one thing... Michael Scott is leaving The Office. 


As I sit on the bus on my way to school everyday I try to memorize what spectroscopic parallaxes are and why the mass luminosity relationship is somehow relevant enough to my life that I need to understand it. But as I am studying these foreign concepts I can't help but wonder what will become of Michael Scott?! I have a few theories. But the worst one if this:
Michael Scott and Steve Carrell morph into the same entity and this duo of only one existing body goes on to make "Evan Almighty Part 2", or even worse "Get Smart 2". This abomination would ruin all faith I have in comedy entertainment... But thank God, Buddha, Zeus, or whoever the hell I am supposed to be thanking that this particular outcome is THE absolute worst case scenario. Therefore, I am choosing to remain optimistic.


I will end this here with some remarkable words from a true hero:
~~In Memorium of Michael Scott (2005-2010)~~


>> "I love inside jokes, I'd love to be a part of one someday."
>> "There is such thing as good grief. Just ask Charlie Brown."
>> (To Toby Flenderson) "Why are you the way that you are? Honestly, every time I try to do something fun... or exciting, you make it not that way. I hate... so much about the things that you choose to be."
>> "You don’t call retarded people retards. It’s bad taste. You call your friends retards ... when they’re acting retarded."
>> "Would I rather be feared or loved? Easy, both. I want people to be afraid of how much they love me.

Also: "Would you guys still be my friends if I pierced my nipples?" -Billy Bixler

One of dem damn blogs

There is no reason for me to be creating this "blog" right now. The only real reason I can think of for doing it is because there are too many thoughts in my head and I would like to make some room in this potentially expanding cranium of mine for some knowledge. Ideally, I wish I could have whatever the hell it was that Dumbledore had in Harry Potter 4 (I think it was 4?) where he could dump his old, less important memories into some cauldron (I think it was a cauldron?), and then keep them there until he decided he wanted to reminisce (I think that was the reason?). Ahhh but see, this is my point exactly, the little details I would like to have stored and remembered are seeping through the fissures (SAT word) of this silly, absurd, and usually outlandish mind of mine.

However, it is taking everything inside of me to actually follow through with posting this. I don't really want to create this blog because pretty much everyone who has one of these is somewhere between moderate to full blown pretentious douchebag, and that isn't really a description I am looking to identify with. I mean seriously, it is hardly any better than a formspring... Ha ha ha, formsprings....

Okay but anyways, I guess I will do it because although I am not pretentious (I don't really drink PBR) I am definitely a douche bag. (I drink a lot of Natty Light). So ya.

Super Days!
Ku.

P.S. Sorry for the overwhelming amount of parentheses I used in this post.

..
(I'm not really sorry).