True Story: Today I found a mold garden growing behind my dresser drawers (soooo sanitary, I know). So obviously I got the bleach out to rid of that bitch. For some reason or another (I blame being loopy from the mass amounts of Sudaffed) I decided it would be a good idea to NOT put the lid on the bleach and instead just place the open bottle on top of the dresser drawers. However, I should have thought twice before doing this because as of lately I have pretty much been living by the motto "anything that can go wrong, will go wrong"... Side Note: That's Murphy's Law for those of you who don't know. Anyways, back to everything going wrong... So as I am cleaning off this horrifically disgusting green goblin attached to my wall, a spider suddenly emerges out of an Ugg boot in my closet. Out of disgust I jumped, resulting in me kicking my dresser drawer over and spilling bleach all over the floor and somehow on my bed sheets, and even reaching my pillows. Apparently bleach can fly. Who knew?
The only real way to describe this situation is as being "So Ku"... I know everyone says "OMG, this would like seriously only happen to ME." But I think it is time to change that term to "OMG, this would like seriously only happen to Ku."
Lots of So Ku things have been happening lately though. I think it falls in line somewhere with all of the birds dropping dead from the sky, and all those fish dying and washing up on shore. I mean, it's apocalyptic. This weekend I got about 212 (rough guesstimate) bright red, fugly bug bites on my legs and back while I was in the lovely town of hickville Chico. So not only did I walk around Chico looking like I had backne (someone give this girl some damn proactiv) but I also managed to simultaneously have what may or may not have been a terminal illness (otherwise known as the common cold)... Of course, in this mentally and physically weakened state I also managed to run into my arch enemy at a long awaited gathering of friends in Chico, lets call this arch enemy Helga Poopface for the sake of keeping things anonymous. So, I spent my much anticipated night avoiding Helga Poopface, while battling backne bites, and blowing my nose every 1.5 seconds. BEST WEEKEND EVER.
Now, in all reality I know these are by far the dumbest, most miniscule problems ever. So that is why I have been having a hard time calling them "problems" at all... Which is why I so desperately needed to come up with a new term for this crap. I am officially renaming petty bullshit as "soku's" combining 'so' and 'ku' together for that whole edgy literary effect... So please, all seven of you blog followers, next time you fart in class and everyone hears it, or your dog decides your foot looks like a nice place to take a piss, or worst of all you come in contact with your very own Helga Poopface.. remember these aren't problems at all, they are simply sokus.
post script: Ku is my nickname.
post-post script: if you didn't know that already you just added another soku to my list of sokus.
Tuesday, February 8, 2011
Monday, January 17, 2011
"If it wasn't for dogs some people would never go for a walk"
Finding out that animals are better than humans was never something that I had to figure out through a meaningful experience or a miraculous life lesson that would lead to some great epiphany. Pretty much from day one I knew that animals were superior to humans by about 10 billion to 1. I have always looked up to animals as role models. They are undoubtedly creatures to learn from. When I say this aloud in conversation I tend to get these condescending, "Brooke, you're retarded" type of looks. But regardless of what everyone else thinks, I believe that the animal kingdom is leaps and strides far more exceptional than we are in so many ways.
Take for example, our beloved animal friend, the dog. Dogs are born, bonded to their mothers, and then hideously ripped away from their mother, father, brothers, and sisters in order to entertain the life of perhaps some begging, pleading, dog-needing five year old girl. Now, don't get me wrong, I have been that five year old girl since I was five and probably forever thereafter. I am just saying, if I was the dog I wouldn't be able to take it so lightly. It's nuts, the dog cries for a day or so and then it is as if he just remembers life goes on. The dog will never even post a single facebook status saying "Some brat just paid these people $500.00 and now I have to leave my fellow pups, waaahhh sad face" or anything of the sort, it's truly admirable. I don't know any human who can do that. However, this isn't the only awesome thing that animals do. I have always wanted a pet with a missing limb because I am so envious of their attitude. Whether it is a cat, a dog, a bird, or a damn dragon they all seem to share the same mentality. They don't focus on the missing arm or leg and let it ruin them like so many people do, they simply learn how to live without it, and carry on.
I know that many people disagree with me in the sense that they believe animals behave in this fashion because they don't have the same mental capacity as humans. But maybe that is what makes them so special to me. It's the living part that is important, and that is what animals do, they live life to the absolute fullest regardless of any bad circumstance; something that cannot be said about the majority of humans.
Basically, if it wasn't for the NO ANIMAL clause in my lease you would probably be seeing me on Animal Planet's "Confessions: Animal Hoarding". . .
Take for example, our beloved animal friend, the dog. Dogs are born, bonded to their mothers, and then hideously ripped away from their mother, father, brothers, and sisters in order to entertain the life of perhaps some begging, pleading, dog-needing five year old girl. Now, don't get me wrong, I have been that five year old girl since I was five and probably forever thereafter. I am just saying, if I was the dog I wouldn't be able to take it so lightly. It's nuts, the dog cries for a day or so and then it is as if he just remembers life goes on. The dog will never even post a single facebook status saying "Some brat just paid these people $500.00 and now I have to leave my fellow pups, waaahhh sad face" or anything of the sort, it's truly admirable. I don't know any human who can do that. However, this isn't the only awesome thing that animals do. I have always wanted a pet with a missing limb because I am so envious of their attitude. Whether it is a cat, a dog, a bird, or a damn dragon they all seem to share the same mentality. They don't focus on the missing arm or leg and let it ruin them like so many people do, they simply learn how to live without it, and carry on.
I know that many people disagree with me in the sense that they believe animals behave in this fashion because they don't have the same mental capacity as humans. But maybe that is what makes them so special to me. It's the living part that is important, and that is what animals do, they live life to the absolute fullest regardless of any bad circumstance; something that cannot be said about the majority of humans.
Basically, if it wasn't for the NO ANIMAL clause in my lease you would probably be seeing me on Animal Planet's "Confessions: Animal Hoarding". . .
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