Here's some stuff I learned this year (yes, this is in order of relevancy to my life):
1. Eminem doesn't suck anymore.
2. The only reason I have gotten as far as I have in my educational endeavors is because I have awesome social skills.
3. I am terrible at selling clothes. (Sorry dad, but my poor retail experience could mean I wouldn't make a very good realtor. Please let the Super Sales Center down easily for me.)
4. Realtor is not spelled 'realator'.
5. I love bears and people who have abnormal and creepy obsessions with them. Thank you Grizzly Man.
6. Somewhere deep down inside I wish I could be in a glee club.
7. Taylor Swift is the new Alanis Morissette. Except her angry girl songs are about Joe Jonas rather than Joey Gladstone.
8. Oprah cries when you ask her if she is a lesbian.
9. Miley Cyrus wasn't joking when she said she likes to party (preferably with a bong in tow) in the USA.
10. Bart and I are Snookie and J Woww. . . just a little bit less tan.
But in all seriousness, this year has been a year to remember. I moved to San Francisco, learned how to do my own laundry (thanks bart), and discovered how delicious sushi is. In addition to this, I have the weirdest friends, family, and boyfriend in the world, and due to my fascination with all things weird... I really couldn't ask for anything better.
2010 - Year of the Tiger ?? All and all a pretty tough year for pro golfer Mr. Woods. "Hole in One ??" Not according to the court papers, and TMZ.
ReplyDeleteTMZ - Why doesn't the old guy ever finish his drink ??. Can he break away from the sippee cup ?? It is time for the surfer (center square) to get his own show, with the hip dred reporter. Why are the rest of the crew even in the show ?? Card board cut outs could improve the weekly ratings.
Emimen - as music returns to singing, rather than talking, he will be left behind due to the fickle industry of music. Yet, one of the best of all time. Snoop and Emimen are proof that timing is everything in music. And Garth Brooks for that matter .... Has an old short fat bald cheating guy ever gone further with less than Garth Brooks ??
Why don't you understand that awesome social skills, and crappy retail experiences pave the road to a successful real estate career ?? Real-a-tor is a word that you must purchase, before you can post it next to your name. Now that is sales at it's finest hour. Can I buy a vowel please .... Spell with me now ...
Miley Cyrus ... an eighteen year old with a bong, not exactly a new picture in the USA. "Sometimes you eat the bear, and sometimes the bear eats you". And sometimes your Mom sleeps with Brett Michaels. I say light the "Rock of Love" bong for poor Miley.
6. Somewhere deep down inside I wish I could be in a glee club. Uhhhhh no ..... Somethings look great from the outside, and then seem to pale when you join the club. Examples include both the Boy Scouts and the Girl Scouts, the Mormon church, anything free, a pet monkey, grape nuts, Geico insurance, Charlie Sheen and anything on television pitched through "Sham - Wow".
Pray for the day when Taylor Swift dates Justin Beeber, everything will take care of itself .. Baby.. Baby.
I also cry when asked if I am a lesbian, that is the rare character flaw I share with Oprah. She will run for President in 2012. As the lone anti Christ candidate on the ballot. Look for Gayle and Michelle to share the role of Vice President.
Snookie and JWoww ?? Why not Kim and Khloe ??
$10 mil earned in 2010 for the "so called" do nothing girls. Clearly doing nothing for fame and fortune should be a mandated course in every campus throughout America. Who would you rather meet at a party ?? The hip do nothing girls or the highly talented Disney duo of Zack and Vanessa ?? Is it even a question ??
Assuming they can still stand in the same room together since their ugly split ... TMZ surfer reports to the dred man and the cut outs without sippee cups as props for the show.
End of part # 1,
Beginning of part # 2,
ReplyDeleteThoughts ....
Kendra is a pig, set poor Hank and the baby free with their own series titled "Pig .. get out of my Blanket !!" Michael Jackson's youngest Son could sing the theme song. Maybe something like this, sang to the tune of Michael Jackson's hit song "Ben" ... "Pig, the two of us can be no more, I truly despise the way you snore ... Pig, you are such a burden to me, my Mom said she saw you pee on tv ... Pig, please get out of my life, I can't believe you are actually MY wife, what happened to the days when Hugh Hefner was in a haze, you slept with all the gays ... for cash ... ohhhh Pig ...
The new "Housewives of Beverly Hills" is trash, I thought Atlanta was marginal at best, but this Beverly Hills version is garbage. Why do all aging women paint their heads yellow ?? KUSI just hired a bleach Blonde Hispanic to read the Morning news. Why are they determined to look like today's scary version of Pamela Anderson. Blonde's age first, the fair complexion magnifies every single age line in their face. Botox and blonde doubles the problem and puts these ladies into the express lane of old age.
Saw President Obama on television this weekend with professional alley cat Bill Clinton. Come on, if you look for a hand up from a gutter and aspire to improve your political image while standing and associating with a documented weasel you must be on your last leg. We all remember Monica, strutting around proudly in her stained blue dress, smoking what was left of the cigar from the oval office. And the republicans are a threat to our Country ??.
Sushi has always been fantastic, I would give up pizza for sushi. I have put together a catchy little phrase to promote the sushi craze throughout the Country. You remember the tired old "Let's do Lunch !!" that swept the world. I believe it is time to market "Let's Sushi Soon !!" as a replacement in 2011. Can I put you down for ten t-shirts for the New Year ??
Hillbilly music stinks ...Tipper Gore went after heavy metal rock and roll a few years ago, demanding warning labels to save the children and families from destructive music. Years later wild men Ozzy Osborne, Dee Snider and Ted Nugent all have successful off spring, while Tipper visits rehab waiting for her Son to complete his treatments. I really believe the warning labels belong in the country music section. "If condition persists more than four hours, stop taking ..... and consult your physician".
Just received a free coupon we can redeem when you are home for Christmas for a free skin evaluation ..... How fun would it be to walk in with me, ask for the manager, roll up my pant leg and loudly proclaim ... " Just take a look at what happened to me after just one treatment in your facility yesterday !!! Someone is going to be hearing from my lawyer and believe me you are ALL going to Pay !!!" and then storm out of the building shaking my fist the entire way to the car.
Glad to hear you are one with your adopted hometown of San Francisco, and at peace with your self proclaimed "Addiction to Wierdness". We both realize it must be from your Mother's side of the gene pool.
Love ya,
Mr. Normal ... or just Dad